Parenting Through Parts: How Internal Family Systems Can Help You Stay Grounded While Raising Kids

Parenting has a unique way of surfacing all our inner stuff. One minute we’re calm and collected, and the next we’re overwhelmed, reactive, or feeling like a child ourselves. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why did I just snap like that?”—you’re not alone. What’s often happening in these moments is that different parts of us are showing up.

As a therapist and parent coach, I often help parents understand and work with their parts through Internal Family Systems (IFS)—those inner voices, roles, and emotional reactions that live within each of us. When we learn to recognize our parts and care for them, we can show up for our children with more clarity, groundedness, and compassion.

What Is “Parts Work” in IFS?

Internal Family Systems, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, is a therapeutic model that sees each person as made up of different parts. These parts can hold different roles—like the inner critic, the people-pleaser, the perfectionist, or the wounded child. In IFS, we work toward accessing the Self—our core, compassionate, calm inner leader—and building relationships with our parts, rather than trying to suppress or get rid of them. In parenting, this means learning to notice who is responding to our children—and why.

Tips for Working With Parts While Parenting

1. Pause and Check In - When you feel emotionally charged, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself, “What part of me is showing up right now?”

2. Name the Part - Naming the part gives it less power and more clarity. Try, “My fixer part is panicking right now.”

3. Get Curious, Not Critical - Instead of judging yourself for reacting, ask the part what it’s afraid might happen. Most parts have good intentions.

4. Invite in Self-Leadership - Access your Self energy—calm, curious, compassionate—and let that part know you’re here to listen and support. This helps unblend you from the part and makes space for more grounded parenting.

5. Repair After Reactivity - If a part takes over and you lose your cool, that’s okay. Come back, name what happened and offer repair. That’s healing for you and for them.

   
   

Journaling Prompts to Explore Parenting Parts

Journaling can be a powerful way to connect with your internal system. Here are some prompts to explore:

• What parts of me tend to get activated when my child is upset or dysregulated?

• Is there a younger part of me that feels triggered in these moments?

• What is this part afraid will happen if I don’t react this way?

• How might I support this part with compassion instead of judgment?

• What does this part need from me in order to feel safe?

  
  

Parenting through an IFS lens means building inner awareness and compassion—so you can respond to your children from a more connected and intentional place. The more you get to know your parts, the more capacity you have to hold your child’s big emotions without being overwhelmed by your own.

If you are interested in parent coaching through IFS please reach out!

Schedule a Free Consultation

Reading: No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz